My legs feel as if they are made of granite.
Still, I inch forward on my hands and knees, looking for something to grab onto, anything that can help me pull myself up this steep city hill.
Somewhere in the street, though, a main pipeline has burst, making the sidewalk's concrete slick with oil.
The pain is overwhelming.
Up ahead, my best friend finally disappears over the top. I'm proud of her, happy that she's finally made it, but I feel lonely and left behind.
I wonder if I'm ever going to make it, too, or if I'll be stuck forever climbing.
Depression is like a steep, slippery hill that I'm struggling to climb.
Motivating myself to do everyday activities like cooking, showering and brushing my teeth can seem impossible at times. Walking to and from my son's school twice a day can seem like a monumental task. Oftentimes, I don't want to do much more than lay in bed and watch shows online. Doing so helps me to ignore my sadness and numb myself to the fact that I'm climbing a seemingly endless hill of pain.
This month has been really hard for me emotionally and mentally. I'm sure you can tell because I've been writing less. See, one of the worst parts about depression is that you stop doing the things you love to do. So as much as I force myself to take care of all of my son's needs, I still have trouble meeting my own.
"Depression can be cured," my therapist said last week, and I have to believe her even if I don't feel it to be true.
I have to believe that if I keep climbing, I will someday make it to the top of this difficult hill. As M. Scott Peck says, though, "Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit."
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Take some time to get to know the issues. They matter.
Do your dreams ever speak to you?